When John told me this, I realized that he and I actually went to the same school.
But he was two years ahead of me, so I never saw him.
"My family and your grandfather's family have been close for generations. You should know this. I visited your house when I was a kid. You were about thirteen or fourteen back then. You were very lively, and you even volunteered to perform something for me, but I turned you down." John spoke slowly as if uncovering parts of the past I wasn't even familiar with, "We met again in high school. You guys were putting together the freshman orientation program. I thought you would sign up, but you just sat in the corner of the classroom, silent. I even thought you had a split personality."
"Later, I realized you don't like attention being focused on you.
"You'd deliberately arrive at school early, and stay late after everyone else left. You'd avoid the busiest streets and take the empty alleys. Whenever others nominated you, you would always refuse. But you weren't like this before. You seemed less confident."
"I searched for the reason, until your graduation ceremony."
"That day, you graduated, won awards for excellence, and earned a scholarship. You should've been happy. But you just quietly followed behind everyone, at a distance. I saw you fold your diploma and shove it into your bag.
"But Zoe, what were you thinking at that time?"
"I've been thinking, if my mom were still around, she'd be happy for me too."
John sighed. "Maybe I'm just unlucky. When I wanted to comfort you, I saw you taking a picture with Jack's cardboard cutout by the street."
"So I thought, instead of getting too close to you suddenly, making you uncomfortable, maybe it would be better if Jack comforted you. After all, the power of an idol might have a bigger impact."
It turns out that the special attention I thought Jack had been giving me was actually something John had been orchestrating from behind the scenes.
"I never expected Jack's move to really work. One step at a time, you walked out of that swamp-like home on your own, took over your mom's near-bankrupt company, and brought it back to life. You didn't need me, and you were doing just fine. But back then, I still wanted to give it a try because I didn't want you to only see Jack. I wanted you to look at me."
"So, I asked your grandfather to help me make the connection, but I never expected him to just go ahead and tell you about the marriage."
John looked at me: "So my liking you isn't just based on physical attraction. It's been a long time coming, and finally, I can see the light."
Under the night sky, the light in John's eyes mirrored the brilliance of stars, the beams converging into a galaxy called love. It turned out that I didn't have to get closer to him; he would come to me with that fluttering feeling.
Because I was the source of all that light.
Suddenly, I felt something in me throb heavily, as though something within was wildly growing, and a spring, one that belonged only to us, bloomed in my barren, unchanged heart.
But just at that crucial moment, I recoiled.
Maybe it was because of my father's history, which made me distrust anyone outside of my family.
"John…" I called his name, "I'm a little confused. Can you give me some time to think about this?"
Just one night, the information I had processed was overwhelming.
I had first rejected Mckayla's kindness, then received John's confession, which he had held for years.
When it's absent, it's always something I yearn for. But when it arrives, it comes with many different meanings. They're forceful, like waves crashing one after another on the surface of the sea.
It's about to swallow me whole.
"Alright," John said, lowering his head. His hair was still dripping water from the shower. He looked like a wet dog, and his voice carried a hint of grievance. I heard him quietly ask, "But can it… not take too long? I'll be scared too, Zoe."
