Thanks to years of reading romance novels, I was able to give Sherlowill a solid piece of advice:
"You just flash a crooked smile, then roughly but gently grab her waist."
I mimed the moves on myself, acting them out.
"Then, in a restrained and enduring manner, whisper in her ear, 'Be good, smile, I'd give you my life.'"
Just imagining the scene was disgusting and attractive.
But Sherlowill didn't seem impressed and instead sarcastically mocked my good intentions:
"When you got out of the hospital, I strongly opposed it."
"Sherloy, how could you speak like that?"
Sherlowill shook his head in disdain with a dramatic sigh.
"Ugh, I can't believe I thought I could learn something from you."
"So you look down on me, huh?"
"Well, I'm going to show you just how exceptional I am!"
---
For Sherlowill's second date, I attended as his secretary.
A three-person date; as long as I wasn't embarrassed, they were the ones who would be.
"You can just pretend I'm not here."
The next second, Sherlowill actually did ignore me, gentlemanly clinking glasses with the lady.
"MU is a top luxury jewelry brand, so... do you have any styles that would suit me?"
Internally, I screamed: Compliment her! Hurry up and compliment her! Say that every piece would suit you!
If I could get the lady to feel flattered, this might just work.
"Our company's main products this quarter are really good. If you buy more, I can give you a discount."
Something felt off. Why did it suddenly feel like a business transaction?
I coughed twice, trying to remind Sherlowill to stop.
"Miss Jolene, is your throat bothering you? Maybe you should drink more warm water."
I: "..."
My patience was running thin, and I advised Sherlowill to handle things carefully.
Then the lady said, "Good jewelry really does enhance a person's aura."
Sherlowill nodded in agreement.
"So, are you going to buy? I can offer a discount."
How fortunate I am to have a boss who is so dedicated to pushing sales.
"I've heard that luxury jewelry is a very lucrative business."
I could tell she was really trying to keep the conversation going.
But my boss, suffering from a professional deformation, didn't catch any of the subtle cues.
"Not really, if it's too expensive, I can give you a discount."
Sherlowill, you little rascal! Can't you understand that you're ruining this? I thought.
Every sentence was about jewelry, and every sentence involved a discount.
Discounts, discounts, Sherlowill, do you want me to count your life down?
"Cough, cough, Mr. Freckles, the topic is straying!"
These words were tearing at my heart, making me want to rip my hair out in frustration.
But even as my throat was about to bleed from coughing, I couldn't stop Sherlowill from continuing his awkward sales pitch.
---
Sherlowill still ignored me, launching into his product's design concept for the season.
I watched in horror as the lady's expression grew increasingly awkward.
A matchmaking date without any common ground usually goes like this.
I couldn't take it anymore and slammed my fist on the table.
"Mr. Freckles, this is a date, stop talking about work all the time!"
"Aren't I sharing my life with her?"
The date was on the verge of failure, yet he still didn't seem to realize it???
I almost forgot. Sherlowill, the workaholic, considers work his life.
But that still made me clench my fist in frustration.
"This is a date, you need to talk to the other person more!"
Sherlowill paused for a moment, looking utterly clueless.
And then, I realized, he really was clueless.
"Madam, the diamond on your necklace, while not immediately visible as fake, is certainly replica. You've been tricked by a reseller."
Sherlowill, born into a family of top luxury jewelers, has an eye like a magnifying glass.
However, this professional knowledge should not be flaunted on a date!
Didn't he see the lady's awkward expression?
Fine, if he's going to ruin it, I'll do the same.
I cleared my throat and abruptly introduced a new topic:
"Miss, are you open to a short-term relationship?"
The lady shook her head, confused.
"Well, Mr. Freckles here said that no woman should monopolize a man for too long."
The lady's face changed dramatically: "Ah... huh?"
I nodded in resignation.
"Because it's unfair to other women who admire him."
Let me take on this villainous role and resolve the awkward situation!
Finally, the lady couldn't take it anymore and stormed off, cursing:
"Such a low-class guy!"
Sherlowill's handsome face was successfully doused with a glass of cold water.
Tonight, this city had three sleepless souls.
