But I didn't respond to his kiss,
and in the end, I gently pushed him away.
"Jaydin..."
"Why are you apologizing?"
He looked down at me, his eyes slightly red.
"It's my own issue."
I avoided his gaze: "I don't want to get involved in a relationship anymore."
"Then what about everything between us these past few days?"
Jaydin gripped my shoulders, his voice trembling: "Sonia, what do you take me for?"
I clenched my hands tightly, taking a deep breath: "Let's just say we were both getting what we needed..."
"If you're willing, we can continue this kind of relationship."
"If you find someone you like, you can end it anytime."
"What kind of relationship? Just a way to satisfy physical needs?"
"You can think of it that way." I refused to look up at him, afraid I might not be able to hold back my tears.
"Jaydin, I'm really sorry... If this arrangement is making you uncomfortable, I'll leave here immediately. I swear I'll never bother you again..."
"Sonia."
Jaydin's eyes were bloodshot. He let go of me and slowly took a step back,
He seemed to smile, but it was a broken smile: "Sonia, you can't do this to me."
"Jaydin..."
He turned around, grabbed his coat, and headed for the door.
I instinctively took a step forward to follow him but stopped myself.
Jaydin walked all the way to the door, and just as he grabbed the handle, he suddenly turned back to look at me.
He even managed a faint smile at me: "Sorry, I just need some time alone to think." He even managed a faint smile at me: "Sorry, I just need some time alone to think."
I nodded: "Okay, I won't bother you."
"Sonia, give me some time. I'll get back to you."
Jaydin got away.
but I felt completely drained, slowly sinking onto the sofa.
There was an indescribable discomfort in my heart.
But I was also acutely aware that right now, I couldn't—
—throw myself wholeheartedly into loving someone again.
To start a new relationship.
I was truly scared, scared that it would end in mutual disdain once more.
I feared that the look in his eyes would shift from passion to indifference, and finally to cold contempt.
I didn't want to repeat the same mistakes.
But I shouldn't have involved Jaydin.
If I had known from the start that he liked me,
then I wouldn't have let him drive me back to the hotel that night.
It was already 3 a.m. when Jaydin drove back to the hotel where Sonia was staying.
He got out of the car but didn't go inside. Instead, he leaned against the car and lit a cigarette.
Countless windows were lit up, but he couldn't tell which one was Sonia's.
But he knew she was there, knew she was in here, in the same city as him.
Knew that if he walked in, he could see her in ten minutes.
That thought alone brought a sense of contentment, of satisfaction.
In fact, it took him less than two days to figure things out.
He easily managed to calm himself down.
Sonia had just ended a relationship; not wanting to jump into another one was perfectly normal.
Her disappointment and reluctance towards men, towards love, even towards marriage, were all entirely understandable.
Maybe he had been too eager, too pushy.
If she felt that maintaining this kind of relationship would make her feel more at ease, more comfortable,
He didn't really mind not having an official status.
What could be more painful than unrequited love?
If there was something worse, it would have been about a year and a half ago.
When he found out that Sonia had moved in with Clayton.
That was when he truly decided to let go.
So he tried going on blind dates, meeting new people, trying to move on.
But after trying, he realized it wasn't possible and decisively ended it.
No matter how much his family pushed afterward, he never entertained the thought again.
