Everyone's gaze fell on me.
I lowered my head, a bitter smile tugging at the corner of my mouth, unseen by anyone.
What was I still expecting?
I should have known the answer long ago.
"Well."
Lauryn gave me a triumphant smile.
I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, said nothing, and turned to leave.
Elliot seemed to want to say something, but in the end, he didn't.
I walked out of the banquet hall, the cool breeze of the summer night dispersing the gloom in my heart.
I was about to walk along the road when a small car by the side of the road suddenly lit up and beeped twice at me.
I froze.
Neil poked his head out of the window, his face full of smiles:
"How come you came out so early? I thought it would be much later."
I was surprised.
"How did you end up here?!
"I found out about the annual meeting with ease. I was worried you might drink too much and nobody would give you a ride home."
Neil whispered:
"Your husband's mistress should be here too, right?"
He made me laugh.
"Yeah, we just had a showdown. The odds were against me, so I had to step back."
But Neil wasn't joking around with me.
He studied my expression seriously and waved me over.
"Do you want to watch the sunrise?"
……
Maybe I'm getting old. I really can't figure out what young guys are thinking these days.
Sitting in the bumpy little car, I was still dazed as we headed up the mountain road.
How did I end up agreeing to watch the sunrise with him in the middle of the night?
Instead of riding in my luxurious car with its starry ceiling and sleeping on my $100,000 mattress, I was in this second-hand car that jostled me to pieces, following Neil up the mountain.
The mountaintop was dark, and he carefully took my hand and led me to sit on a large rock.
I brushed aside the hair covering my eyes and was momentarily speechless at the sight before me.
The endless dark hues blended into a clear deep blue, with stars above and city lights below, reflecting each other.
Behind us was the darkness of the universe, and for a moment, I couldn't distinguish where the light from the sky began.
The wind of the summer night carried the scent of grass and trees as it gently brushed past, and Neil hugged me from behind.
"Isn't it beautiful?
"When I used to feel down, I'd come here."
I was silent for a moment. "How did you know I was feeling down?"
He rested his chin in the crook of my neck.
"Your eyes are crying."
I didn't say anything.
All in all, Neil and I have been together for half a year.
And what about Elliot?
I thought about it, but I couldn't keep track anymore.
High school, university, graduation…
Has it been more than ten years? In earlier years, I used to keep count, but now I'm too lazy to bother.
Could someone I've known for half a year see that I'm upset, but not Elliot?
Of course, he knew.
He just didn't care.
Now I finally understand a question that had been bothering me.
I didn't understand how, after being together with Elliot for so many years, he could so easily leave me for someone else.
It turns out it has nothing to do with time.
It's only about love.
I turned my head and realized that Neil had been looking at me the whole time.
There are countless stars here, and the lights of thousands of homes, but in his eyes, there was only a reflection of me.
"Nikki."
He never wanted to call me sister, always calling me by my nickname instead.
He said, "Don't be sad, you're better than anyone.
Not loving you is his loss, not yours."
Perhaps the wind blew into my eyes, and suddenly my vision blurred.
I didn't say anything, but leaned in to kiss him.
Neil was taken aback, but quickly took control. Young men's kisses were unbridled and passionate, needing only a spark to ignite a fire.
I felt my rationality evaporating along with his kiss.
Even the wind seemed to solidify, trapped here, rising in temperature with us.
When Neil's sweat dripped onto my eyelid, I closed my eyes and held him tightly.
Just this once, I told myself.
Call me despicable.
Let me follow my own desires.
Even if just for this moment, let another man fill the void left by Elliot.
