It's been a year, and a lot of the things I felt guilty about back then don't even cross my mind anymore. Sometimes, I don't even remember the arguments we had. It's like, with time, so many things just don't seem as important. People are right when they say time heals everything. All that was left from that relationship were faint regrets and lingering fear. She had already come to terms with the situation regarding the child. What was meant to be hers would be, and what wasn't would slip away in its own way. She figured he'd be upset about the child as well—it wasn't just her child, after all. As for the fear… when she remembered how he had kicked someone into a fire, she knew that they were ultimately different.
Sidney remained silent for a long time, and he patiently waited.
"I don't want to take your things because I don't feel like you owe me anything. Why should I accept them?" That's right. If she took his house, wouldn't that make her the weaker party in this marriage? Sidney believed it was her decision to end the marriage. Perhaps, at first, she had made a big fuss, acting as though he owed her so much. She had grievances, but in hindsight, he had given her a lot too.
Sidney's calm tone stirred something in Jayson. He knew they couldn't keep arguing like this. They needed to talk things through quietly and sort everything out.
"Don't think it's because I feel like I owe you and am trying to make it up to you. I just hope... I hope you can be independent, free to live your life without worrying about material things. Didn't you say that? Didn't you complain about not having enough freedom with me? Now, I want you to live freely, and you're rejecting me."
"I don't think that taking your house or your money will make me freer. In my heart, I'll always feel like I owe you something."
"That's something you're choosing to think. Why do you always think the worst?"
"...You know? That's where you and I are different. It's not about whether you have money or not; it's about how we see things. I used to be like you, always thinking I could use money to fix things, to make everything okay. I thought if I just gave people money, it would ease my guilt, my sense of having done something wrong. But now I see it—does throwing money at the problem really make you feel better? No! It doesn't make me any happier! I don't blame you anymore. Honestly. I don't blame you for any of it. I said a lot of things out of anger, but that was just in the heat of the moment. Now, I really don't think you owe me anything or that you wronged me."
"..." Sidney said this, but Jayson suddenly didn't know what to say.
"If it weren't for you, I might still be tangled up with my dad and Shelby. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to live my own life. Now that we're separated, I don't think it's mainly because of those things, but because we're incompatible."
"You know? 'Incompatible personalities' is the worst excuse for a breakup."
"I don't have an excuse. I'm being honest with you. Jayson, I can't handle a life full of ups and downs. I just want to live quietly, like an ordinary person."
"That was an accident."
"Yes, it was an accident, but that's your life, isn't it? You're capable of something like that—coldly taking someone's life. Even if you locked me away at home, kept me in the dark, with six bodyguards watching me all the time... would that make me happy?"
"Fine. If you don't want it, then don't. I won't force you."
"Mm."
"There's one more thing I need to tell you." He didn't continue.
"What is it?"
"I sold Opal Lounge." He couldn't help but tell her.
"Oh!" Why is he telling her this?
Afterward, they both fell silent.
He was waiting for her to say something, but she didn't know what to say. In her heart, she guessed that he was telling her this to show he had changed, maybe trying to live the life she had wanted. But when she thought about it, she felt like she was being vain.
"I'm on the top floor." He broke the silence with this sudden statement, and Sidney was left confused.
"The night sky has no stars today." His voice became soft, and for a moment, it seemed as though he was filled with a rare sense of sentiment. It was a tone he had never used before, and Sidney, for a moment, felt a pang of sympathy. "Just like my life without you."
"Jayson..." She didn't understand. Why was he saying this after everything?
"We didn't really spend a whole year together. I don't know how much of your heart you put into this relationship, but for me, I was absolutely sincere."
"..."
"I truly wanted to be with you. Those things that happened... I admit I was impulsive, it was my fault. But I understand the life you want now, and I'm working on it."
"I'm not trying to change you. You can live your life however you want." Change for her? The thought made her feel even more pressured.
"You're right. It's for the best that the child didn't follow us. I don't want him to repeat our life. At least, I think I wasn't a good example before."
"Jayson..."
"Let's try again, okay? A new life." He gathered a great deal of courage to say these words; if he didn't say them now, he would never have the chance again.
