A month into my boarding school life, I hadn't called Nathaniel once.
One day, upon returning to my dormitory, my roommate mentioned someone had called for me. I was elated, knowing it was him.
I quickly dialed his number back. Mona answered. "He's outside. Is there anything urgent? Are you adapting well at school?"
"Nothing much, school's fine, and my classmates are very kind to me." I hung up, sighing through the night.
He must have reconciled with his ex-girlfriend. Just as he said, I was 18, and he was 31, he should be getting married as soon as possible. What right did I have to make him wait 4 years for me? What position did I stand on? He didn't like me at all.
He'd said it himself, that I should find a boy my age. There were indeed boys in class pursuing me. My desk was always adorned with milk tea, but I never knew who delivered it.
Until one cleaning day, I saw Jason's milk tea receipt slip out from his drawer. He snatched it up hastily, nervously shoving it back in.
"What's that?" I asked, smiling.
"Trash," he paled, tense.
"Let me see." I fetched the receipt out, his face reddening.
With the truth laid bare, he had no defense, staring at me anxiously.
"I'm heading home this weekend." I put the receipt away.
"Okay."
"Can you see me off?" I asked, smiling.
"Y-yes." He seemed to exert all his strength.
On the weekend, he accompanied me to the station, holding milk tea and buying motion sickness pills for me.
"Is your home far?"
"Not really, half an hour by bus."
"Good." As I was about to board, I thought of something, asking him with a smile, "Do you want to visit my place?"
"Ah?" He was surprised, panicking, fiddling with his glasses.
"It's not far, don't you want to play with me?"
"No, wouldn't it be sudden?" He hesitated.
"There's only my uncle at home, and he doesn't come back often. We can do homework together, you can help me with the question in the homework?"
"Okay." Thus, I led Jason to Uncle's place.
On the way back, I first took him to the garage. Everyone was warm towards me, Nathaniel still fixing a car.
Hearing me, he looked up, "Still remember to come back?I thought you forgot me long ago"
The next second, he saw Jason, his face darkening. "This is my uncle, this is my class president, Jason."
"Hello, uncle," Jason greeted politely.
Nathaniel stared at me, silent for a while, finally grunting, clearly displeased. "Little Felicity, you haven't visited in two months, turns out you've found a boyfriend?"
Fat man approached, aggrieved. "Ah, no."
Jason blushed. I looked at Nathaniel, he lowered his head, fixing the car, his emotions unreadable.
"Uncle, He is not yet my boyfriend, but I quite like him." I admitted openly.
Nathaniel paused at this, saying nothing.
After greetings, I led Jason off. "Your uncle doesn't seem to like me?" he asked.
"Ignore him, he's always taciturn." I comforted him.
Back at Nathaniel's place, I noticed the flowers I'd arranged had withered but not been thrown, yet the place was cleaner than when I left.
It must have been Nathaniel's ex-girlfriend. Thinking this, my heart ached, but not as much as before.
The whole afternoon, Jason tutored me in the living room. He looked refined and gentle, entirely unlike the rough and hot-tempered Nathaniel.
What would it feel like dating someone like him? I suddenly wondered.
Halfway through, he caught me watching him, pausing, "What's wrong? Is there something on my face?"
"Have you dated with a girl before?"
I asked, biting the end of my pen.
"No, why?" he tensed.
"Wanna try?"
"I-I…" He tensed further. "How?"
"Like this." I leaned in, pecking his cheek lightly.
He recoiled in shock. Yet I persisted, teasing him.
Right then— "What are you doing?" That familiar voice rang at the door. Nathaniel.
My heart skipped. The class president also pushed me away. "You saw everything, what're you asking for?"
I threw in the towel. "Get out," Nathaniel walked over, temper suppressed, addressing Jason.
Jason looked at me, afraid I'd be scolded, "Uncle, it's my fault, don't scold her."
"I said, get out, didn't you hear?" Nathaniel's temper flared.
Jason feared his anger, grabbing his stuff and leaving.
Nathaniel locked the door, turning to look at me, seemingly seeking an explanation.
For some reason, I wasn't scared seeing him angry, but rather elated.
"Explain, bringing him back for what?" He controlled his emotions, asking calmly.
"I like him, so I brought him back to play."
"Like? Dating others at your age?"
"Why can't I date?" I asked back, "You don't like me, doesn't allow me to like others?"
"Your 'like' is bringing him home, doing things you shouldn't?" He glared at me.
"I kissed him, what shouldn't be done, uncle?"
"If I didn't return? Would you've stopped at a kiss, do you take me for a fool?" He appeared irate.
Seeing him angry was amusing. "You are strange, you can bring women back, why can't I bring boys?"
I continued. "Felicity, don't provoke me, I won't fall for it."
"Are you really concerned about me? Or under the guise of concern, You are jealous of him that he is close to me?"
"Jealous? Are you okay?" He stood abruptly, yelling at me.
"If you are not jealous, why yell at me?" I whispered.
He froze, taking a while to recover. Seemed I hit the nail on the head.
Seeing him like this, my mood suddenly lifted.
"I will go out first." I smiled at him.
"Out for what?" He wilted.
"I will send him off, it's rude how you chased him away." I walked out, he didn't stop me.
Only when I changed shoes, he muttered, "Will you come back?"
Hearing him, my nose stung. Like he was really my old father, longing for my return every day. Finally, someone awaiting me?
"I will return soon.No more than ten minutes." I turned, smiling.
I stepped out, indeed Jason hadn't left, wandering downstairs.
I thought a minute, approaching, "Let's go, I'll send you to the station."
"Your uncle didn't scold you?" He looked worried.
"No." I reassured him, "He won't."
At the station, I saw him off, he asked if he could invite me out again.
"Jason, let's stay friends." I smiled.
"Why?" He looked dejected.
"Your milk tea was great, but I'm allergic to mangoes. I heard it's your favorite, so you bought that flavor."
"Then I won't buy it next time."
"No need to change for me. There're many girls liking mangoes in class, and liking you."
I bought him milk tea of mango flavour, handing it over.
"Bon voyage, see you, class president."
I didn't want to drag him along, nor did I want him changing for me. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
No feelings are really no feelings. I tried just now. When kissing him,there is no feeling arosed on my mind, only Nathaniel on it.
Thus on the way back, I mulled over, eventually reconciling with myself.
I compromised. I will give up looking for boy my age, liking him as he is.
If he reciprocates, this is great. If not, I accept it.
