Eventually, Nathaniel found me at the garage.
In this wilderness, apart from the rental house and the garage, I had nowhere else to go.
When he found me, I had cried myself dry, tears all spent.
I didn't understand myself, how I could fall for an man so much older than me, jealously fighting for his attention, yet unable to control it.
Nathaniel figured my prolonged isolation in the mountains had affected my mental state, so he took me to the county town for the first time to lift my spirits.
"Buy whatever you want," he handed me a card, then sat by the roadside stall, ordering himself a drink.
"Put it on the tab?"
"Up to you." I took the card, wandered around the mall, seeing various dresses and bags, suddenly losing interest.
Life seemed devoid of meaning. Thinking of Nathaniel left me puzzled and lost.
In the end, I bought nothing.
"Why didn't you buy anything?" he asked.
"Nothing I wanted."
He got me a drink, and after a long pause, said, "School starts soon, doesn't it?"
My heart skipped a beat. He wanted me gone.
"Yeah." I was annoyed.
"Contact your teacher? Send me the address, I'll get you a ticket."
"You want me gone that badly?" I asked.
"If not, do you expect me to support you forever?" He smirked at me.
I sipped my drink, silent.
"Be careful from now on, don't trust everyone, especially men, stay as far as possible." He advised.
I took a deep breath, "Okay."
Back home, he watched me pack, smoking, saying nothing.
"What if dad doesn't repay you when I'm gone?"
"Even if you are here, he does not repay us either."
"But I haven't finished repaying for my living expenses."
"With what you offer, you'll work for me a lifetime? Forget it, Consider it my bad luck meet you."
... Alright, he had no attachment to me, just wanted me gone.
"Can you smoke less? Our teacher said it leads to an early death."
"Cursing me again." He coughed, irritated.
"Die early then, what's the point of living long?"
"But you're already older than me, you'll die years before me…" I trailed off.
"Perfect, when I die, you can bury me, showing filial piety to me."
"Nathaniel," hearing him talk about dying, my nose tingled, tears falling, "can't you not die? I'll earn a lot. I'll repay you, so don't die early…"
"Crying for what?" He looked at me flustered, extinguished his cigarette, "Alright, alright, acting like a farewell, afraid of you."
I sniffled. "Will you quit smoking?"
"Quit smo…" He was about to snap, saw me, changed tone, "I'll try."
"Teacher said 'try' means don't want to." I looked at him seriously.
"I will quit. I will quit……You are truely annoying."
He tossed his remaining pack in the bin, "Are you appy?"
"Just so so." I wiped my tears.
"Nathaniel."
"Now what?"
"I'm leaving, can't you… hug me?"
He froze, "Unmarried men and women should not be intimate. We don't have a relationship. I won't hug you."
"Didn't you say you're my uncle? It's nothing that uncle hug his nephew?"
"You are smart now." He sighed, extended his arm, "Come here."
I rushed into his arms. He was muscular, hugging him felt secure.
"You are quite heavy." He stumbled back a bit from my impact, protecting my head from the table edge.
"Ever hugged someone lighter?"
Although I was 1.66 meters tall, 92 pounds, It is not heavy, right?
He pondered, "Not really."
"Alright, Is it ok now? Get down."
"Uncle." I clung to his arm.
"Hmm." We are too close to each other, his tone changed.
"Your shampoo smells nice." I leaned in, sniffed his neck.
"Get down!" He sounded cold now.
"Carry me a bit longer."
"Not coming down?"
"No." He stood, lifted me like a monkey, placed me on the sofa.
"Can you show some propriety? It's dangerous with other men, you know?"
"Why with other men?" I bit my lip, looked at him.
"Why? How should I know why?" He glared, irked, "You'll find out."
"At your age… you're decent-looking, boys your age will like you, you'll find someone you like."
He seemed downcast, knelt to help me pack.
"Why someone my age? Can't I like someone older?" I wasn't giving up, testing him.
"Ask around, who's like you?" I stayed quiet. He cared about my age.
He did not like my type at all.
His constant rejection hurt my pride. I stopped struggling. "Nathaniel."
"Hmm."
"Can I study in your county?"
"What now?" He looked at me.
"I lied, actually, I can't go back, the school won't let me, they say debt collectors are waiting for me." I told the truth.
"Then ask your relatives to switch schools?" He was helpless.
"Sure, no trouble for you." I expected his answer but I still said it, now completely giving up.
"Your enrollment isn't here, hard for you to study in this county."
He explained. "Okay, I'll leave, won't trouble you anymore, won't disturb your world with her."
I packed fast, not looking at him.
On the way to the station, we were silent.
He rode his motorbike to the town, where I'd catch the bus.
On the motorbike,I held his waist, rested my head on his back.
Knowing I'd never see him again made my heart ache.
Boarding, he asked, "You can find your relatives?"
"Yeah." I lied. Which relative would take me in now?
"Tell me, which relative, give me the address, I'll check on the map and tell you how to go ther."
"Um…" I thought, "An aunt with a soy sauce factory."
I gave the name, just random. He checked, serious, "That factory shut down years ago."
"Oh,that's…"
"Felicity, don't lie to me."
I wilted, "I don't know which relative, stop worrying about me."
I rushed to board, but he held my hand. "What?"
I looked at his hand, puzzled. "Don't want me to go now?"
he asked. "Yeah."
I lowered my eyes, nodded.
He was silent, took my luggage, "Then don't go."
