I took a nap, then went to see a psychologist.
"Is your depression flaring up again?" Evan glanced at the scars on my hands. "It indeed requires a recurring process."
"It's not from self-harm; they're from a accident when I Julian."
Evan paused his writing, looking at me with alarm.
"I struck him," I said, licking my lips. "I couldn't restrain myself. I used a belt."
Evan nodded gravely, clearly disturbed.
"I actually felt... quite good."
That absolute sense of dominance, of control.
And Julian's pale, tear-streaked face.
It stirred a deep-seated urge to inflict pain on himwithin me.
"Didn't he fight back?"
"He didn't dare. I'm pregnant."
I was only three months along; he wouldn't dare escalate the conflict at such a time, risking making things irreparable.
It's not just the threat of my death that could frighten him.
Leaving could as well.
I felt empowered.
"Based on what you've described, his childhood poverty following his parents' divorce makes him particularly sensitive about money.
Your financial support challenges him to confront his inner feelings, thereby generating intense resentment towards you.
However, this doesn't mean he lacks feelings for you.
On the contrary, I think his feelings of love and hate for you are equally intense."
I mused, "Are you suggesting reconciliation?"
"No, I am simply pointing out that if you feel a desire to dominate him, it's not your fault," Evan explained. "Love grants one person supreme power over another. When you loved him, he also took liberties with you, testing your limits without restraint."
"Because he has avoidant attachment issues, he's not accustomed to normal relationships nor knows how to maintain one. He can only affirm your love by repeatedly hurting you."
"Now the roles are reversed. You are the one being loved, and I believe you will have more self-control than he did."
"I have feelings, but I don't want to make it easy for him," I said, glancing out the window indifferently.
Julian was waiting downstairs.
Evelyn used to be like this too. She watched him enter another woman's house, unsure of what to do, just standing there from dusk till dawn.
She truly loved him, I faintly remember that deep, searing kind of love. Tentative and utterly at a loss, she wish she could give him the best of everything.
Even when the reality was absurdly far-fetched, she would find excuses for him. Love shouldn’t be trampled upon like this.
We are all cowards, terrified of falling for someone. But that shy girl never paused in her rush toward him for even a moment. It wasn't her fault.
I went downstairs, Julian looked at me, his lips quivered, tears fell.
"What are you doing standing here? Has the company closed down?"
"I'm not going to divorce you."
"Fine," I replied.
He wouldn't survive in 1 month.
So, divorced or not, it's all the same to me; one is just more troublesome than the other.
He didn't expect me to be so agreeable, hope flickered in his eyes: "Evelyn, I was wrong before. I'll make it up to you."
"Really?" I looked ahead at his mother and Merlin, rampaging forward, "Then, what is that?"
"You bitch, how dare you hit my son, I'll kill you today!"
Julian shielded me: "Mom, calm down, she's pregnant and was just upset, don't hold it against her..."
"What good can come from her? Listen to me, there are plenty of girl who can bear children for you!"
"Yes, She will continue doing domestic violence on you. Julian, if not for yourself, think about Mrs. Jenkins and the child!"
Merlin sobbed, "Do you want Mrs. Jenkins to see you come home beaten and bruised every day? Or do you want a child born into a home where the mother is insane? Do you think such a child would be happy?"
"Merlin is right, I don’t want such a daughter-in-law, I never liked her," Julian's mother said coldly as if issuing a decree, "You divorce her, now, immediately!"
"What are you talking about?!" Julian roared, his eyes red. "Do you want us to end up like you and Dad?You won't be happy until we get divorced!"
I played with my phone behind him, and silence fell around us.
His father was driven away by his mother,He is the avoidant attachment, that's what Julian learned from her.
This was her Achilles' heel.
She began to cry and scream, cursing me with the vilest words.
Julian was first shocked, then quickly so enraged he spat blood.
He never thought his mother would speak to Evelyn like that.
In front of him, she always pretended to be decent.
Watching his expensive suit soak in blood ,Hecollapse to the ground.his mother screamed and rush to help him.
I couldn't help but glance at the sky.
The weather was so nice today, calm and peaceful, just the kind of spring day I like.
