"Please, please, pick up the phone," Winter mumbled desperately, holding the phone to her ear with her trembling hands, trying to suck in deep breaths.
Winter was sitting on the bed beside her bed, hiccupping on her tears, all the horrifying words echoing in her head like irresistible buzz. She felt like she couldn't breathe and her room was flipping around; it was the pressure of needy and fearful and ugly feelings.
"Stop it!" she shouted, begging for the voice of her step-father to stop, but they wouldn't. They started echoing even louder in her head.
"You forced your mother to commit suicide."
"No, I didn't."
"You watched her die yet you made no effort to save her because you wanted her dead."
"No, no!" Winter hugged her knees and again tried calling her boyfriend. "Zane, please… pick up the call. I need you," she breathed out, letting tears run down her cheeks. Seeing as he wasn't receiving the call, she buried her head in her knees, dropping the phone on the floor, and shouted, "Why would I want her dead?"
"Because you hated her with every fiber of your being. You blamed her for everything that was wrong in your life. It's because said those horrible things to her that she decided to take her life. You made her life hell. You forced her to stab herself…"
"Stop, stop. I don't want to listen. Stop it. Please…" She let out a choked sob, curling herself into a ball, mumbling, "Zane, where are you?"
Meanwhile, Zane's cell phone was ringing continuously on the library table in silent mode while he was busy arranging the books in a further area.
Melody rolled her eyes, seeing Winter's name flashing on the screen again. She was the one who put his phone on silent mode as soon as she saw the first incoming call.
"I wonder if she got home safely," Zane murmured as his eyes fell on the book 'All the light we cannot see' by Anthony Doerr, which reminded him of Winter. "Maybe I should give her a call." He put the books down and rushed to the table he left his phone on to not find it there anymore. "Mel, have you seen my phone?"
"Nope," Melody replied, sneakily putting his phone in her bag.
Zane ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sure I left it. Anyways, can you give me your phone? I need to call Winter."
"Why? I'm sure she got home safe."
"I don't know why. I'm not feeling good. I just feel like I need to call her." He was feeling very restless, an urgent sensation that was boiling within him. "I need to be there for her," he breathed out. "Your phone?"
Melody let out a nervous chuckle and lied, "I forgot to bring my phone today."
"How can you forget your phone?" Zane huffed. "Anyway, I'm leaving for today. You can take care of the rest."
"Zane, wait—" Melody cut herself off as he already ran out of the library. "What's wrong with him? It's not like she will die if he gets to her late." She rolled her eyes and put his phone in one of the bookshelves, in case he would look for it later.
On the other hand, Winter was quivering in her room, crying loudly, sobs racking her body. Just when she had thought she had someone by her side, that person wasn't even picking up her call. Of course, why would he? He shouldn't waste his time on such an insignificant person. He would rather arrange books than talking to someone like her—someone who was responsible for her mother's death.
She threw her head back and stared at the ceiling fan. It would have been nice if she could hang herself from there and end all of it. But she didn't want to die yet, she didn't want to face all the punishments in her afterlife yet. What else could she do to make herself feel better, to make the agonizing pain in her heart stop?
Her eyes fell on the big scissor on her desk that she was using for a project. She stared at it for a while, pondering over it, before it was all she could see with her blurry vision. She subconsciously reached out for it and held it in her hand for a few minutes before putting it on her forearm. She couldn't think anymore, nothing but what had happened eight months ago.
She pressed the sharp edge on her skin, letting the red fluid come out from the cut and stinging physical pain relieving her heart from the emotional turmoil. She exhaled a deep breath as she found pleasure in the scissor's blade running over her skin. Yet, it wasn't enough for the accusing voices in her head to stop screaming.
Winter shifted to carving her another arm with the scissor. Her head was starting to feel dizzy as blood kept oozing out of her wounds. She looked at the blood that dripped on the floor and smiled. "According to everyone, this is what I deserve, isn't it?"
As she was starting to lose consciousness, she started having vivid images of her mother smiling at her and all the good times she spent with her. "I never hated you, Mom…" she managed to say before her vision went black.
°°°°°
Zane reached Winter's house and rang the calling bell but he got no response. He continuously rang the bell.
"Winter, open the door!" he hollered, yet he received no answer.
"Zane, what are you doing here?" spoke up a feminine voice from behind him.
"Mrs. Weston. Thank goodness you are back. Please open the door for me," Zane urged in a desperate voice. His heart was beating so fast, it felt like it would come to a stop any second now.
"What's wrong? Did something happen to Winter?" Carla inquired and started looking for the house keys in her bag.
"I'm not sure. But I'm getting a very bad feeling about this," he told her.
"Me too. That's why I came home early," Carla said and opened the main door.
Zane dashed in and climbed the stairs quickly. He tried opening the door to her room but it was locked. "Winter, are you in there? Open the door!"
"Do you want me to bring her room key?" Carla asked.
"Yes, please," Zane replied and continued knocking on her door. "Winter, you are okay in there, right? Answer me," he breathed out, resting his forehead on the door. "Please be alright," he whispered in a taut voice.
"I got the keys." Carla handed the keys to Zane, who took it with shaking hands.
Zane unlocked the door in a rush but hesitated to open it. Somewhere in his heart, he knew what awaited him on the other side. Sucking in a deep breath, he stepped into Winter's room only to witness a sight he would never be able to forget.
Carla let out a scream and flinched backward while Zane was frozen for a moment. Winter was sitting on the floor near her bed, her eyes closed, a scissor in her loose grip, blood flowing out of both of her forearms.
Zane reached out for his phone in his pocket, forgetting that he had lost his phone. "Call an ambulance, please," he told Carla and rushed to Winter. He noticed her cheeks stained with tears and touched them to feel it cold. His heart throbbed with pain. He felt like he would faint. His eyes shifted to her arms that were cut badly. "Why did you do it? What happened that made you do this to yourself?" he whispered in a broken voice, feeling his eyes sting with tears at the sight of her blood.
A deep fear engulfed his heart as the thought of never seeing her expressions, her smile, how her cheeks would redden when he did or said something unexpected, or the feel of her lips, or the touch of her hands—all of this might be gone.
He shook his head, telling himself, "Now is not the time to lose focus." He needed to give her intermediary treatment. He got up and ran to her bathroom to grab a clean cloth. He used the cloth to apply direct pressure on her injuries for the time being.
Soon, the ambulance arrived. Zane and Carla went to the hospital with Winter. The only thing that they could do on the way was to pray for Winter to be alright.
As Winter was wheeled to the emergency department, Carla was a crying mess and Zane was too numb to let his emotions out. Carla went out to call her husband while Zane sat on the hospital bench. He stared at Winter's phone in his hand. The Doraemon-cover was now a bloody mess, even his own hands were tainted with her blood.
He unlocked her phone as he had seen her do that many times in front of him before that incident. He checked her call history to find out whether she had called him. He was shocked to see just how many times she had called him. 24 missed calls.
Zane dropped the phone on the bench and buried his face in his bloodied hands. The guilt was overwhelming all of his senses at that moment. He could only regret what had happened. Out of all the days, he could lose his phone, why did it have to be today? How could he be so careless? If only he was there with her, she wouldn't have had to rely on harming herself.
Winter used to say that he was too good for her. What good? He couldn't even be with her when she needed him the most. He wasn't there when she was crying all by herself in her room. Maybe she was begging him to come to her, but he didn't. He made her promise to never cut herself, but why should she keep her promise when he didn't? He couldn't blame her; it was all his fault.
"I'm sorry, Winter. I'm so sorry." With that, Zane broke into tears. He looked at the red light of the operation theatre with his bloodshot eyes and mumbled quietly, "I will fix it all. I swear."
