|| Theo ||
The graveyards used to be quite hard for me to visit before.
I used to feel like I had no right to show my face to my mom after knowing she died because of me. But after countless therapies, the guilt subsided a little and I started to pay visits to my mom. Still, sometimes I felt like I shouldn't, maybe she wouldn't want to see me. But for my own peace, I still went anyway.
However, right now, I am glad that I got over my anxiety about graveyards. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to accompany Ara to visit her mom.
Coincidentally, it was the same cemetery as my mom's. I didn't mention it to Ara yet.
Ara was humming a song as she guided me through the cemetery towards her mom's graveyard.
She stopped in front of the tomb with the name 'Harper Laurel' and crouched down, chirping, "Hey, Mom. How have you been?"
I didn't understand how she was so cheerful in this depressing place, but I guess that was her way to show her mom that she was happy.
Ara started updating her mom about the recent events of her life as if her mom was just sitting right in front of her with a cup of coffee, listening to her intently.
Ara really was strong. Most days, she was happy and cheerful. Only sometimes, she broke down. I often hear her crying in her bedroom when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Half the time, I went in to comfort her, and rest times, I let her be, knowing that she wants to be left alone at such times.
Her mom had passed away in April of this year, and I couldn't even tell that from her face back then at school until one of my friends told me about it. I felt so bad; I had even stopped annoying her during that period.
It started with the chewing gum incident again—I swear that wasn't intentional. And to be honest, short hair looked nicer on her. Now, her hair had grown up to her shoulder. She said that she was going to keep it at that length since it was easier to manage. Either way, she was always beautiful in my eyes.
"... so that's how it happened. I'm so dumb, aren't I?" Ara finished narrating the mishap with the old man. "Oh, look, I totally forgot to introduce the person in question." She slapped her forehead, and I chuckled.
Ara looked up at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me down beside her.
She flashed me a smile and turned to the tomb, saying, "Mom, this is my boyfriend and roommate, Theo."
I couldn't help but get butterflies whenever she addressed me as her boyfriend. It was still so new and unfamiliar.
I cleared my throat and said, "Hi, Mrs. Laurel. I have heard a lot about you. It's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance."
"You're talking like she's alive."
"Well, you were talking like that, so I thought I should too."
Ara chuckled. "Then you should call her by her first name. I think she would like that."
I nodded.
"Oh, Mom is also asking what you want for your birthday gift," she said.
"A lot of blessings," I deadpanned.
"No, she's asking what you want from me."
I narrowed my eyes on her. "That's just you asking because you can't decide one yet."
"It's not my fault. You already have everything that I could give as a gift." She pouted. "And stupid you just had to get us watches."
I chuckled and said, "Honestly, I will like anything you get me."
Ara glared at me. "Don't confuse me with 'anything'."
I sighed, trying to think of something. I was already going to get plenty of gifts from my uncles, and the rest of the stuff that I wanted, I gave that list to Wyatt, so I didn't actually have anything else left on my wishlist.
Ara hit my arm lightly and urged, "Hurry up. The clock will hit midnight until you decide on something."
"Fine. A fluffy warm blanket for Clove. Her current blanket is getting worn out."
Ara gave me an incredulous look. "It's your birthday, not Clover's."
"But that's what I want."
She stared at me in disbelief for a few seconds before sighing. "Okay, but Clover doesn't get anything for her next birthday."
I laughed lightly. "Okay. But you will be dropped from her good book then."
She huffed. "It's ridiculous how much I care for a cat's approval."
I chuckled at her cuteness.
Ara then looked towards her mom's tomb and said sadly, "Mom, I've to leave now. I'll come see you again soon."
As Ara got up, I whispered with a small smile, "Don't worry. I'll take care of her, I promise."
"Theo, let's go," Ara urged, and I stood up.
'Ara, can we—"
'Yep."
'Huh?"
'You want to visit your mom, right?"
I stared at her, dumbfounded. 'Are you a psychic or what?"
She chuckled. 'No, I just noticed her name there," she said, pointing her finger in the direction where my mom's graveyard should be. 'Scarlett Benedict, right?"
I couldn't help but smile and nod.
'It's so great that our moms are so close by. You think they would get along well if they were alive?" she hypothesized while we were walking to my mom's graveyard.
'I don't know. Mom wasn't very outgoing."
'Well, my mom could charm almost anyone. She would definitely make friends with your mom," she said proudly.
'I would have loved to meet her."
We were talking about hypothetical stuff, mostly Ara saying how much her mom would adore me and turn me into a gentleman.
However, I froze when I saw a familiar man in front of Mom's graveyard.
What's he doing here?
'Theo, what's wrong?" Ara asked, looking at my face.
Stay calm, Theo. Deep breaths. Take deep breaths.
'We need to leave," I said and was about to turn on my heel, but she grabbed my hand.
'Is that man your father?" she asked in a low tone as if increasing her voice any more would shatter me.
Without meeting her eyes and trying to steady my breathing, I slowly nodded. 'I don't want to see him."
'Why not?" She gave my shivering hand a squeeze, assuring me that it was okay to say whatever I felt at that moment.
'He will hit me," I blurted out, getting flashbacks from my childhood.
'You're not nine anymore, Theo. You're going to be seventeen. He can't do anything to you," she said softly.
'I know. I—I am scared."
She brought my knuckles to her lips and kissed them gently. 'You never know. He might have changed."
'People like him never change."
'Okay. But I'll just go talk to him for a minute."
She was about to let go of my hand, but I stopped her from leaving. 'He will say hurtful stuff to you. I don't want you to get hurt."
'I will be fine." She smiled and pried my hand off, walking straight to the man in a gray shirt and black slacks.
Ara crouched down beside him and started talking while I waited for him to yell at her or raise his hand on her. But he didn't. He was calmer than I had ever seen him.
As my anxiety churned down a little, I couldn't help but wonder what he was upto these days. Did he still drown himself in alcohol? I hope he at least gave up smoking. I remember Uncle Ian saying that his business went bankrupt a few years ago. I used to be too busy in my self-loathing back then, so I didn't give a shit, but now I was kinda feeling bad.
But then again, it was his own karma. He lost Mom and would never get me back. But… if he wanted to work on our relationship… No, no, don't expect anything from that man. You will be disappointed.
I saw Ara smile a little, and it made me feel strange. What was he saying to her that made her smile? I didn't remember him having any nice words in his vocabulary.
After a minute, she got up and came to me, still smiling. Before I could ask, she started to say, 'He came here to visit your mom because he wasn't there for her when she was in labor tonight."
I scoffed. 'What's the point? Isn't it a little late to make up for anything?"
'It's never too late to repent, and he really wishes to meet you. But he won't if you don't want to."
'I don't want to," I said flat-out. I hated that man. So much.
She smiled widely and interlaced her fingers with mine. 'That's alright. Maybe someday in the future, you will want to."
I didn't say a word in response.
"But just know that whatever you decide to do with him, I'll be there to support you."
I nodded.
'So you still wanna visit your mom?" she asked, and I shook my head.
'I'll come back tomorrow."
'Okay."
Ara was about to walk ahead when I looked over my shoulder at the man who was still staring at Mom's tomb. I noticed him shivering due to the cold.
'Ara, can you go give it to him?" I asked quietly, taking off the maroon jacket I was wearing.
She stared back and forth between the jacket and me before a big grin formed on her face. 'Okay!" She took the jacket and ran to the man to drape my jacket over his shoulder.
He looked surprised and turned to look at me, but I averted my gaze.
Ara came back running to me and locked our hands again. She was still grinning.
'Stop grinning."
'I can't."
'Whatever."
We walked to the car in silence. When I was putting on my seatbelt, I asked, "So… did he say anything about the sudden change in him?"
"Well, he said he started going crazy after your mom's suicide." As if he wasn't already crazy before that. "Then his business went bankrupt and he was left all alone by the people who stuck with him for money. He's just now an old man with no family or friends."
I wanted to say that it served him right, but I couldn't. Because a part of me probably still considered him my father. But he was never anything fatherly towards me. He was never present at my birthdays or parent-teacher meetings.
I nodded at what Ara said and started driving home. Ara kept quiet the whole ride, occasionally humming with the low volume music, while I was busy in thoughts.
When we were near our block, I said, "Did he give you any contact information?"
"He told me the name of the company he works at now," Ara replied. "Do you want me to tell you the name?"
"No, not yet." Ara didn't have her father, so she couldn't meet him even if she wanted. That's probably why she wanted me to reconcile with that man, knowing I shouldn't lose my chance while he was still alive. I should at least try for her sake. Maybe not today. But someday, for sure.
"I already noted it down on my phone, so whenever you want to know, I'll let you."
"Okay."
Ara placed her hand on my thigh and said, "When you plan to go, take me with you, okay?" I parked the car in the garage and looked in her deep eyes. "Whatever our relationship will be at that time, no matter when it is, I don't care, just take me with you. Annabelle will always be there for Theo."
God, how did I get so lucky to have her in my life? Screw liking her. I love her so damn much.
I smiled and took off my seatbelt. I placed a hand on her cheek and leaned over to give a soft kiss on the lips. "Thank you."
