"Living in the hustle and bustle isn't as hard to accept as you think. Not all the pain brought by close relationships is bad."
"People are social animals, after all. We need social connections to fill our lives."
"Lily, try accepting others' goodwill. The outcome won't be as bad as you think." On the last day of January, in the central square, Arthur told me this.
He also said, "I'm leaving."
He took a bracelet from his pocket, with a small diamond engraved with the word: [Peace].
"I personally made this and am giving it to you now. You wouldn't turn it down, would you?" I pursed my lips and allowed him to slip the bracelet onto my wrist.
I whispered, "Thank you." Thank you for not confessing.
Thank you for leaving without bringing up any feelings.
Thank you for leaving behind a somewhat beautiful conclusion to this time.
During this period, I kept wondering if I could accept him. The answer is no.
He had too much of an impact on my childhood trauma, and even if I tried my best to ignore it, it still felt like a thorn in my heart. Not to mention, our intellectual differences are too vast...
"I know you won't accept me," he said, his head lowered, his voice hoarse. "The best we can be is friends."
"Sometimes I think it's unfair. I didn't do anything wrong, yet I've been sentenced to death in your eyes."
I lowered my head, inexplicably feeling a pang in my chest. Just as I was about to say something, I heard him continue: "That's why I'm unwilling."
"I want to be the father of your child, not just a friend."
---
I shook his hand off.
I shouldn't have held any expectations for him.
Arthur smiled, called over a balloon vendor, and bought all the balloons the kid was holding.
He handed them to me.
"I heard that if you let a balloon go, your worries will fly away with it," he said, his brow and eyes soft in the dazzling lights.
"Lily, I hope you'll never be unhappy again." The colorful balloons swirled above our heads.
My eyes felt wet.
He held my hand through the glove, his grip gentle as he slowly let go.
The multicolored balloons floated into the sky, and the crowd in the square cheered and joked, creating a lively, noisy atmosphere—an earthly display of life's fleeting beauty.
Arthur suddenly asked me:
"This world is still beautiful, isn't it?"
I nodded.
"Beauty has to be actively discovered, not waited for, hoping something will fall from the sky... but it's okay. Lily, I will bring all the beautiful things right to you."
As he spoke, he took a diamond ring out of his pocket.
It was large and brilliant, flashing a subtle yet refined light under the lamps.
He placed the diamond ring in my pocket, preventing me from taking it out.
"Consider it a keepsake," he said.
"Lily, I believe this won't be our end."
"Take good care of my cat. Don't lose it while I'm gone," he added.
"Lilyana, wait for me to return."
---
I didn't quite understand what would happen if I waited for him to return.
But there was nothing else to do. Life had to go on, and waiting for someone was just a little hope.
Returning home, I saw the messy coffee table with coffee beans scattered around, half-peeled oranges, cat food on the floor, dolls stacked in the corner, and a cat yawning on top of them...
It was messy, disorganized, but this seemed like life.
Far warmer than the tidy, sterile house from before that had no warmth in it. The establishment of intimacy wasn't as terrible as I had imagined.
I couldn't be bothered to clean up. It's hard to return to simplicity after indulgence.
Thinking about having to go back to living alone in the future, I felt somewhat uncomfortable. I approached the cat and petted its head:
"Should I get you a big dog to keep you company?" A big one, as big as a person.
The cat bared its teeth in rejection.
I laughed softly. "You're thinking too much. A big dog is much more expensive than you, and I can't afford it..." I sighed.
