I thought he was out of his mind.
I turned my head, pretending not to hear. He didn't continue speaking.
The Ferris wheel had reached its highest point. Outside the window was a sea of lights, bustling crowds, and the vibrant metropolis, the air filled with excitement.
I suddenly sighed:
"My ex-boyfriend told me that couples who kiss at the top of a Ferris wheel will stay together forever."
"So, did you kiss him that day?" Arthur asked.
I nodded slightly: "It wasn't anything special..."
"Alright, stop talking." Arthur interrupted me, his tone suddenly cold.
"I don't want to hear you describe how it felt."
There was a subtle shift in the atmosphere around him as he silently led me down from the Ferris wheel. The amusement park was brightly lit, and the laughter of children echoed everywhere.
I quietly followed him, walking past ride after ride, stopping in front of the carousel.
He asked, "Do you want to ride?"
I shook my head.
"Come on, let's ride. I'll take pictures for you."
I bit my lip, and said:
"I thought after everything I said to you tonight, you'd stop talking to me... How can you still..."
"So, you admit it? That you intentionally disgusted me earlier to get me to leave, right?" he asked, turning around with a sigh.
"Do you feel better when you push everyone away from you?"
It didn't feel better, but it was safe.
"I was exhausted by the pain from my parents. I had finally managed to remove them from my life. I didn't need any close relationships that could affect my emotions."
I was grateful for Arthur's affection, but that was where it ended.
---
I took a couple of steps back and said to Arthur:
"I'm grateful to you, and I can tell you really want to help me... but I don't need it."
"If you think you can redeem me, then please give up. Whether it's pain, sadness, or tragic memories, no one can help me." I didn't want anyone's help.
I was trying so hard to live, to work, and to get along with those around me.
I didn't understand why Arthur always thought I wanted to die. I felt like I was perfectly normal.
I always thought I was a normal person.
Just with a little problem, nothing more...
Arthur didn't respond to me, but instead focused on the beautiful lights of the carousel.
"You don't want to build intimate relationships, so you push everyone close to you away."
"Your work is casual, your meals are casual, your living arrangements are casual... your life has no ambition, no goals. You could leave anytime without leaving a mark."
"Don't you think that state of being is dangerous?"
"I..."
"I don't think you'll die, but if you stay like this long enough, you won't be able to bear it."
He interrupted me:
"Admit it, Lilyana, your mental state isn't strong enough to live like this. If you continue, sooner or later, you'll become a cold, lifeless body."
---
His words were harsh.
I silently took two steps back, still shaking my head, even wondering:
"I think you're manipulating me, giving me the illusion that I'm seriously ill, but I feel perfectly fine..."
Arthur smiled.
His gaze was soft, but in the glow of the amusement park's colorful lights, there was a hint of sarcasm in it.
"Then just think I'm talking nonsense."
I pinched the palm of my hand, about to say something, when Arthur interrupted me again. He changed the subject:
"Do you want to watch a movie?"
I froze for a moment, confused about how we went from one topic to another. I couldn't help but frown:
"Do we have to do so many things in one day?" The supermarket, the Ferris wheel, now a movie...
"How about tomorrow?"
I weakly said, "I'm so tired, I want to go home and sleep."
He turned around, gently poked the tip of my nose with his finger, and his tone softened: "Tired?"
I nodded.
"Alright."
He said in a low voice:
"Then let's go home."
