Maré in spite of myself
Author :
Part 2 chapter 9
Nabila
It's been a few days since I met Abdel and I really admit that it gives me something to think about, I find myself back against the wall, I don't really have any other way out, I don't have I don't want to leave everything I've managed to build over the last few years for him, why would I have to leave everything and I don't see where I can go to hide from him, as long as he will want it he will find me unfortunately he has the resources for his
All I have to do is tell him the truth hoping with all my might that he doesn't want to hear anything from my child and me, for once I need luck on my side
I really dread my meeting with him, I'm afraid of being overwhelmed by all these emotions buried deep inside me and which I thought I had forgotten, I'm afraid that my heart will betray me, all the love and anger that i felt a moment in my life for this man i can lie to everyone but not to myself this man i have never forgotten him, i love him as if my life depended on it but he is to me impossible to forget everything he made me undergo and go through, he took me away from him, he forced me to live without his love, when I was ready to give him my life he had asked me for it, he only brought me contempt and humiliation
I have so much pain when I think of all this situation in which we find ourselves today, this child I wanted him, I prayed a lot to have him, this child I never wanted to raise him alone, I wanted him for both of us, I wanted him to materialize the love we had for each other, but today all he reminds me of his father is everything he put me through, how much he made me suffer, this man he trampled on my love, he broke my heart and just when I was starting to have some peace in my I have to face my past again
I'm not ready to face this man alone, I think I'm going to follow Mariam's advice, I'm going to go see my mother-in-law first, I'm a little apprehensive about our meeting but I don't have no other choice, I know that she will surely be very angry with me, this woman did not deserve to be deprived of her grandson's love but being around her would lead me to support her son and it was beyond my strength
Today is Friday and she always spends the afternoon at home after jummah prayers I think I'm going to land there by surprise, it's better like that, I get up I get ready, I also prepare Mayer and we take the road with the nanny, when we arrive at the entrance I take the time to gather all the courage I had before ringing the doorbell, the guards open the gate for us and cannot hide his surprise on seeing me, he tells me that my mother-in-law is inside, I thank him and walk towards the entrance to the living room after asking the nanny to wait for me with Mayer on the terrace of the garden, I knock on the door but no one comes to open it, it must be a sign from God I turn to leave when I wait for his voice behind me
Yemi: where are you going?
Me (facing him): hello mum
Yemi: hello!
Me: May I come in?
Yemi stepping aside: go in between
I enter the living room calmly and I sit in the armchair, she lands in front of me staring at me, I thought she would have been more enthusiastic to see me, but I have the impression of facing a wall at the moment, it really complicates communication, I have trouble getting out what I came to tell him
She stays silent all this time waiting for me to deign to say a word, I'm really embarrassed, I feel like I have someone else in front of me, my mother-in-law who was a natural warm, friendly had become a cold woman, I do not detect any emotion through her eyes, after a long moment of silence I decide to launch myself
Me: eeuuhhh by the way if I'm here today it's to talk to you about a rather delicate subject and before starting I would first like to tell you that all I had to do was not against you, it was a choice I had to make to somehow protect myself at that time
Yemi: go ahead, I'm listening
Me: a year ago I had a baby...
She remains impassive I did not expect her to remain so calm but she does not move
Me: I had a baby and it's your son
Yemi: I only have one question for you
Me: I'm listening
Yemi: tell me, since the day you got married to my son, did I have to do something that hurt you, something that made you think you can't count on me or trust me?
Me? Not at all
Yemi: so why did you behave like this with us?
Me: it wasn't against you
Yemi: between Khalil and you, you are the youngest but I thought you were more mature and thoughtful than my son, this man who is your husband is me, I gave birth to him, I had him in pain , his father abandoned me with my son, he grew up without a father figure until I remarried in Aziz, Khalil is someone who seems strong and intimidating when you see him at first sight but he he's someone quite emotionally unstable, he plays tough and dangerous but he's a whole different person, when you entered my son's life I saw him change, a man who wanted it to the whole world, I saw him become someone else, my son started by changing, he even told me about his plans, something he did not do, his relations with his stepfather improved, my son for the first time i felt him getting back on the right path, all these changes he had to make it's thanks to you and thanks to the love that you carried each other for the other
When you had your problem I did everything to get in touch with you and give you my support, because even if he is my son I have to recognize when he did wrong, I could have gotten down on my knees if that was what would have pushed you to stay close to the family that was now yours but you didn't want to, you isolated yourself from everyone despite all my efforts
During all these months can you tell me if a week has passed without me trying to get in touch with you? No I don't think so, but all the time I was trying to ease the pain my son caused you you were conspiring against all of us, you killed the fact that you were pregnant with my son, you killed the fact that you gave birth for a whole year and if you hadn't been surprised you would have kept the secret for I don't know how long
You had your problems with my son, of course he was a fool with you but doesn't he deserve to know that he is a father? this man didn't have his father with him when he was growing up and that's his biggest pain, didn't you think he would have liked to change the situation with his son? what did I do wrong not to deserve to have the love and presence of my grandson? I always did everything to show you my loyalty even if you were afraid of my son's reaction, why didn't you call me?
Maybe you don't want to get back together with him because of all the pain he caused you, but we still had the right to know that we have a family member who was born, but no you rather decided to be selfish and I am really disappointed with your behavior, I can expect anything from my stupid son but not from you, not you my daughter
When she was talking to me I felt emotion in her voice and I suddenly feel guilty but the damage was already done there are only regrets and assume the consequences of the act I committed
Me: I know I did wrong, but at the time I got carried away by my emotions, I thought it was the best thing to do for my son and me, I decided for once in my life to be selfish because I no longer had any desire to have contact with Khalil or his relatives, I know it was wrong but my mother's heart told me that he was incapable of bring my son the stability he needed, I recognize that I should never have made such a decision, I am in no way trying to justify myself but someone to whom I offered my virginity, a man to who I offered my heart, my body, someone for whom I could have given my life, this same man who made me understand that my love was worth nothing, a man who could have thought that I would have could deceive him despite the way in which I offered myself to him body and soul, this man who did not even try to give me the benefit of the doubt and my removal from our home without trying to understand, how could I have come to tell him that I had a child from him when he had me take a pregnancy test which turned out to be negative before I left? i got carried away with emotions and let my feelings take over right now
Even I didn't know I was pregnant I found out the day I gave birth and I made a promise to my baby that I would never let his father deny him even if it meant hiding his existence from him. of his father, even if it meant my baby growing up without a father, I would never give Khalil the opportunity to reject my baby
I may have done wrong but I had to make this decision at this time and I'm so sorry for hurting you, I'm sincerely sorry for behaving like this and depriving you of the same occasion of the love and affection of your grandson but today fate has made sure that everything is back in its place, you will be able to make up for lost time
She just gets up and hugs me for a long time, I feel my heart calm down, we stay there in each other's arms for a long time, I feel that we needed it
Yemi: you're right, the main thing is that fate has brought us together again, what remains to be done is that I get to know my grandson
I get up and let them into the living room
Me: this is Mayer
Yemi getting up all moved: come greet me my baby, come…
Me: my heart is grandma go say hello
She walks up to him and takes her in her arms, Mayer who is often reluctant to approach strangers smiles at her and plays with her, I sit there looking at them for a while, I don't want to dampen the mood but he It's time we tackled the biggest problem
Me: how do we do with Khalil?
Yemi looking at me: if she tells you, I can bring him now so that we can end it at the same time
Me: I don't mind...
It's better to get it over with now, I don't want to go home with this stress, Yemi gives her a call and asks her to come and see her, making her believe it's urgent, I wait patiently sitting there, the ball in my stomach, each minute that passes the stress increased, all I needed is to end this situation as soon as possible, Mayer ends up falling asleep, I go to bed in his room grandmother as she asked me then I go to help the girls in the kitchen, from the bedroom I heard Khalil
Khalil: good evening mother
Yemi: good evening my son
Khalil: did you finally remember that you had a son?
I leave the kitchen to join them in the living room, when he sees me the expression on his face changes, I see that he is surprised but not in the best way
Khalil: what is she doing here? is it for her you asked me to come?
